My View

I’ve always aspired to lead. Earlier in life I just thought it was something everybody wanted to do. I couldn’t just stand there, without doing anything. Getting to know myself and my history better I’ve come to realise that it’s part of my personality. They call it an ENTJ. Growing up it exhibited itself as me being the one “directing” myself and my brothers in a “Western” movie scene. The scene took about 3 mins to film, and lasts for about 10 secs. My uncle had just bought himself a video camera, and wanted to film us. I thought we might as well do something useful on the film. I was around 9.

In school, it meant being president of the students’ union. My English teacher thought the term “president” was funny, and started referring to me as “Mr. President”.

I’ve been asked to lead organisations from a very early age. Positions I couldn’t have handled. So I said no.

I’ve always been interested in leadership, and even more so by great leaders. And this post is about great leaders.

I am more and more starting to realise that I’m not the great leader I thought I was. This might sound absurdly self boasting and arrogant to the non-ENTJs out there (around 99 %?). But that’s a normal thought for me. I usually think of myself as good at what I do. But lately, and very much through the lives of really great leaders, I’ve started to see that there is a depth that I lack.

What’s struck me is that true leadership is not so much dependent on gifting. It’s got more to do with being willing to walk the pain-stakingly slow road of laying down oneself. It’s about sacrifice, endurance, discipline, humility. The great leaders we see on stage, in the pulpit, or wherever, didn’t just hop up there. They were formed to be great leaders through a series of processes.

I guess all these ponderings come down to two points. Firstly: You’re not born a great leader (as I thought I was). You’re formed into a great leader. secondly: Jesus is calling me to “lay down my life, so that I will gain it”.

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A milestone. I guess some people would call it that. Especially the ones younger than 30. Probably the people past the mark don’t view it as that special. So with a week to go as a twenty something, I felt like I had to write something down.

What does turning 30 mean? I’ve always been thought to be older than I actually am. “You’re only 14? Only 17? Only 20? Only 21? Only 23? Only 25? Only 29?” Glad I’m not a woman, my feelings might have been hurt quite a few times otherwise.

This might seem odd to some of you, but for me, turning 30 means reaching a point where I’m no longer “oh, only so young…”. Which means my golf handicap of life has been lowered. I’m expected to deliver now. If I were Jesus (no worries, no disillussion on my part here), I’d be preparing to step in to public ministry now. And I’d be dead in 4 years.

Life as a 30 something seems a lot more serious than that of a 20 something. More demanding, more sober (figuratively speaking).

Where will I be in five years? What will I have accomplished? I guess I’m experiencing a thirty year crisis.

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Have been pondering the question of “leaving” lately. What does it mean to leave, to go away, to move your tent posts? And how quickly could I manage to go, if need be? How do you react when God tells you to “get ready to leave”?

As some of you know, I am a member of a missionary order. As such, I have made a decision to follow Christ wherever he leads me, and whenever he leads me. Part of our commitment is to live a life of simplicity, so that we (among other things) wouldn’t be tied to material things, hindering our flexibility and availability. But what does that mean?

I’ve found that being ready to leave isn’t that easy. What about our rental agreement for the house? What about my company car leasing agreement that ends in November? What about the kids’ schools? What about my job? What about my ministry? What about? What about?

“Start preparing for leaving!”

I guess all the people in the Bible that were led to move, to leave things behind, were feeling a bit of the same. When is the right time? How will I know?

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